Quotes from Beerfest

• [Wakes up nude next to dead deer] Oh no, not again

• I wish it were winter, we could make it into ice blocks and skate on it! And then melt it in the springtime and drink it!

• Looks like we got the Brits in round 1. We already kicked their asses in WWII. Cheer-i-o, let's do it again!

• They brew 10,000 bottles a day, I take 45 off the assembly line and I'm the ass hole

• Oh that's rich! I've got a cowboy on one side and an Indian on the other! It's like the wild west!

• Typical Americans, this is why we don't let you in our beerfest, you get a few drinks in you und you become ze Dirty Harry.

• You and I are not so different Mr. Badrinath. I've had all kinds of things shoved up my ass. But you know what I did? I got over it!

• I'm better when I'm drunk!

• How many licks does it take to get to the center?

• Look at the size of that graduated cylinder!

• It was ze greatest beer in all ze vorld!

• Why don't we get you out those wet clothes, and into a dry martini.

• Nathan Cornwell has just discovered Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. Big round of applause people, big round of applause.

• Oh, I, uh, accidentally walked into a wall... the Berlin Wall...

• Wolfgang von Wolfhaus: Always bet on black.

• Yeah, you Americans, why dont you go back to strip malls und drink your Zimas and Smirnoff Ices!

• I always sleep better with a little sausage in me

• Phil "Landfill" Krundel: If he had it, why didn't he brew it?
  Steve "Fink" Finklestein: Hebrew it?

• Jan: "Why does the last guy drink out of a shoe?"

• Pim Scutney: "That's no shoe, that's DAS BOOT!!"

• Steve "Fink" Finklestein: Drunken recall. I gave my subjects massive quantities of alcohol and then I taught them things while they were blacked out. When they woke up the next morning, they couldn't remember anything. But when I got them drunk again, they remembered everything that I taught them the night before. I got it published.
  Phil "Landfill" Krundel: Where?
  Steve "Fink" Finklestein: In Maxim Magazine under the title: "E=MC Hammered".

• Barry Badrinath: It's $10 for a BJ, $12 for an HJ, $15 for a ZJ...
  Landfill: [Interrupting] What's a ZJ?
  Barry Badrinath: If you have to ask, you can't afford it.
  Steve "Fink" Finklestein: [Trying to persuade Landfill] I've got $4.

• Jan Wolfhouse: Sounds like you guys fancy yourselves as drinkers,huh?
  Rolf: Yeah, maybe a little bit, I think we just beat the Irish.

• Otto: [Refering to Fink] Ya it looks like his head is covered in pubic hair
  Otto: but it's ok it works, ya, cause you've got a dickface.

• Steve "Fink" Finklestein: Come on, guys. I'm a respected member of the scientific community. I've been published in four journals.
  Landfill: Which one? Toad Load Weekly?

• Barry Badrinath: Hey Todd. About the old girlfriend. Can we bury the hatchet, buddy?
  Todd Wolfhouse: I don't know.
  Barry Badrinath: I mean it was a one night stand, right? I mean she wasn't even that good looking. A real dead fish, right? She just laid there and took it like a plastic fuck doll.
  Todd Wolfhouse: I happened to have MARRIED that plastic fuck doll!

• Otto: Despite your thievery, we are prepared to buy it from you right now... in cash.
  [opens suitcase of euros]
  Jan Wolfhouse: Big deal. A suitcase full of monopoly money.
  Schlemmer: Come on, those are euros.
  Landfill: What's that, like pesos?
  Otto: That is legal European tender!
  Rolf: I told you we should have brought Deutsch marks.
  Gunter: But they are so hard to find!

• Great Gam Gam: You two are the rightful heirs to the Von Wolfhausen Brewery. You should have the balls to take back what is yours!
  Steve "Fink" Finklestein: Wow! You even talk like a whore!
  Great Gam Gam: We are all whores in some ways.

• Gunter: He stole it und now instead of Deutschland's greatest beer we merely have fourth best behind Steinemarzen, Rottenburger, und... und...
  Rolf: Und Beck's?
  Gunter: Und Beck's? Ja, UND BECK'S!!
  

• Barry Badrinath: I was in Thailand playing ping-pong in Ding-Dang. A high stakes game in some opium den. Turns out, these aren't the types of guys who like to lose. When I beat them, they beat me. They worked me over good. And this is hard to say. They held me down and shoved a ping-pong paddle up my ass.
  Steve "Fink" Finklestein: Ah geeze Barry! I don't know what I'd do if someone shoved a paddle-handle up my ass!
  Barry Badrinath: It wasn't the handle! I've been shitting pancakes ever since!
  Great Gam Gam: You and I are not so different, Mr. Badrinath. I've had all kinds of things shoved up my ass. But I got over it!
  

Funny Clips from Beerfest